The Muppet Show: Musical Edition
by shopgirl152
Summary: Just your typical, run-of-the-mill classic Muppet Show. Join the Muppets as they put their personal, zany spin on some modern and not so modern musicals. Scipt form
1. Act I

**A/N: I do not own the Muppets; they belong to the Disney Company. I just enjoy the humor.**

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**The Muppet Show: Musical Edition**

**Act I**

_It's time to play the music, it's time to light the lights, it's time to raise the curtain on the Muppet Show Tonight. It's time to put on make-up, it's time to dress up right, it's time to get things started on the Muppet Show tonight. It's time to get things started on the most sensational, inspirational, celebrational, Muppetaional, this is what we call the Muppet Show!_

**Kermit**: Thank you thank you! Thank you and welcome to the Muppet Show! We have a very special show for you tonight, featuring some scenes from modern Musicals. So sit back and relax, as we take you to a High School Gymnasium.

_The curtain opens revealing the gym from High School Musical. The Electric Mayhem is standing around in a circle, mimicking the action of the basketball players from High School Musical during the song _"Get'cha Head in the Game."

**Floyd**: Hey, does anybody know why we're passing a basketball around a circle?

**Janice**: Like, I don't know. But you know, I mean, it's really gonna be great when we make the NBA.

**Dr. Teeth**: NBA nothing! This is boring; I'm ready to rock out. Animal! Beat drums!

**Animal**: Beat drums! Beat drums! Beat drums! _Proceeds to beat drums, which have miraculously appeared out of nowhere_

**Dr Teeth**: Heh heh. That's more like it! _Goes over to the end of the gym, where there are a bunch of instruments. Picks one up and plays keyboard_ I wanna get my, get my head in the game. We gotta get our, get our, get our head in the game!

**Floyd**: I thought it was "Get'cha head in the game?

**Dr. Teeth**: I getcha! Get'cha, get'cha head in the game

**Rest**: You gotta get'cha, get'cha, get'cha head in the game!"

**Dr Teeth**: Three times? 'get'cha, get'cha, get'cha head in the game' repeats three times?!

**Floyd**: Man, that's longer than my attention span!

**Janice**: Like, is anybody hungry? I could _really_ go for some _shrimp scampi_

**Floyd**: Yeah man, me too!

**All**: GET'CHA HEAD IN THE GAME!

**Dr. Teeth**: Alright! Lunch time!

_The curtain closes, then opens again, revealing a scene from Scrubs: Kermit, playing J.D, is standing at the foot of a patient's bed, on the right side, wearing a J.D style wig, while Fozzie, playing Turk, stands on the left side, mimicking the staging of_ "Guy Love"

**Kermit**: Let's face the facts about me and you, a love unspecified. Though I'm proud to call you Chocolate Bear, the crowd will always stop and stare…

**Fozzie**: But, I'm not chocolate; I'm orange.

**Kermit**: Stick to the script.

**Fozzie**: What script?

**Kermit**: The script right there.

**Fozzie** _Finds script and holds it up_ This script?

**Kermit**: Yes!

**Fozzie**: But my name is Fozzie

**Kermit**: Fozzie!

**Fozzie**: Okay, okay. _clears throat_ I feel exactly those feeling too…what feelings?

**Kermit**: Uh, I don't know. Keep going

**Fozzie**: and that's why I keep them inside. Cause this bear…ahhhh wocka wocka!

**Kermit**: Fozzie!

**Fozzie**: Right! Can't bear the world's disdain, and sometimes it's easier to hide…

**Both**: Than explain our guy love, that's all it is, guy love he's mine I'm his, there's nothing gay about it in our eyes….

**Fozzie**: Gay? Are we happy?

**Kermit**: Something like that

**Fozzie**: You ask me bout this thing we share

**Kermit**: and he tenderly replies…

**Fozzie**: It's guy love between two guys. We're closer than the average man and wife…

**Kermit**: That's why our matching bracelets—Fozzie, where are the bracelets?

**Fozzie**: Bracelets? What bracelets?

**Kermit**: The bracelets we're supposed to be using

**Fozzie**: Ohhhh! Those bracelets! Um…I'll go look _runs backstage_

**Kermit**: Just a minute folks, we're having some…technical difficulties. _Fozzie reappears, holding two hula hoops_

**Fozzie**: Uh, these were all I could find. Here _Slips one over Kermit's arm_. Oh, wait a minute, hold this one too. _slips the other hula hoop over Kermit's other arm, causing him to fall through the stage floor_

**Kermit** _from below the stage_: Fozzie!

**Fozzie** _walks over toward the hole, peering in_: Does this mean I'm out of a job?

**Kermit**: You will be when I get my hands on you! I got a pink slip with your name on it!

**Fozzie** _looks out toward the stage, addressing the audience_: Well folks, I guess this is where I say so long. Bye! _runs off the stage_

**Kermit** _hoisting himself out of the hole_: Fozzie come back here! _addresses the audience_ I'm going to get him. I don't know how, but I'm going to get him.

_Backstage. Fozzie comes running through, running into Rowlf_

**Rowlf**: Whoa! Fozzie, slow down! Where's the fire?

**Fozzie**: There is no fire! Just the wrath of Kermit! Ohhh, I did this time Rowlf, I really did it. He's gonna give me a pink slip!

**Rowlf**: Pink slip? Isn't that for Piggy?

**Fozzie**: Pink slip Rowlf. It means I'm gonna be fired! I'll have to find a new apartment! I'll—

**Kermit**: You darn bear! Come here! Chases _after Fozzie, trying to catch him. Fozzie races up to his room, slamming the door behind him_. You can't stay in there all day! I'll get you! When you come out, I'll get you! I'll—

**Sam the Eagle**: Kermit!

**Kermit** _turning around to face Sam_: What is it Sam?

**Sam**: Your show…is…oh, I can't bear to say it!

**Kermit**: Our show is what Sam?

**Sam**: Uncouth. Unsophisticated. A tragedy!

**Kermit**: A tragedy, you say?

**Sam**: Kermit, these people come here to be entertained by the great Broadway classics: Oklahoma, Singing in the Rain, South Pacific, CATS!

**Kermit**: CATS?

**Sam**: Yes! The greatest musicals of all time! You are degrading Broadway! Why, Phantom of the Opera is one of the greatest musicals ever told and you sink to the level of…ugh…_saying with disgust_ High School Musical. Scrubs. These are not classics! These are fodder! Follies! The lowest of the low!

**Kermit**: What do you suggest we do then?

**Sam**: Show Phantom of the Opera; something with class!

**Kermit**: Well, I'm sorry Sam, but the people came to be entertained by modern musicals; we can't just—

**Scooter**: Kermit! Oh Kermit!

**Kermit**: What is it Scooter? I'm in the middle of something.

**Scooter**: My uncle just called. You know, the one who owns the theater?

**Kermit**: Yes?

**Scooter**: Well, he was very disappointed that you're not planning on doing a number from Phantom of the Opera.

**Kermit**: Say what now?

**Scooter**: Oh, it's his favorite musical. He says it's a classic!

**Kermit** _looks unconvinced_: Well, I was just telling Sam here that—

**Scooter**: Oh, my Uncle would be very disappointed if there was no Phantom of the Opera. He might withhold our rent check. _Kermit gulps, looking at Sam_

**Sam**: I rest my case

**Kermit** _walking over to the intercom_: Phantom of the Opera! Onstage now! I don't care who does it, somebody get out there!


	2. Act II

**Act II**

_The curtains open up to reveal the lake scene from Phantom of the Opera. Wayne is standing on the back of the boat. He's wearing a Phantom of the Opera mask. Wanda is sitting inside the boat, wearing a look-a-like dress from the movie_

**Wanda**: Those who have seen your face, draw back in fear. I am the mask you wear…

**Wayne**: It's me they hear.

**Wanda**: My spirit and my voice, in one combined, the Phantom of the Opera is there…

**Wayne**: Inside you're—oof! _Wayne hits his head on the bridge underbelly, falling backward into the water_.

**Kermit** _backstage, head in his hands_: Oh no. We'll be evicted for sure!

**Scooter**: Oh Kermit.

**Kermit** _slowly takes his hands away from his face, looking nervous_: Uh, yes, Scooter?

**Scooter**: My Uncle's backstage. He's wants to talk to you!

**Kermit**: Talk to me huh? Well…I….eek. _walks toward J.P. Gross_

**J.P. Gross**: Kermit, I just saw your show and I would like to say that the Phantom of the Opera sketch…

**Kermit** _mildly panicking_: I'm sorry! It was a mistake! I can fix it!

**J.P. Gross**: Was the funniest sketch I have ever seen.

**Kermit** _confused, but relieved_: Say what now?

**J.P. Gross**: You're Phantom of the Opera sketch was the funniest I have ever seen. I don't know how many times the Phantom deserved to be pushed into the water. That was brilliant; keep up the good work.

**Kermit**: Why, thank you sir! Will do.

**J.P**: As you were _walks off stage_

**Kermit**: Yeesh; that was close. For a second there, I thought I was gonna be frog kabobs! Hmmm…I wonder if Fozzie's out of his room yet.

_Upstairs, in Fozzie's dressing room. Fozzie's sitting in front of his dressing table mirror, chin resting in his paw, looking dejected_.

**Fozzie**: What am I going to do? Kermit's mad at me; I'm probably going to be fired. Then, I'll have to look for a new apartment. I really messed up this time; I should've had the bracelets for the Guy Love sketch. It's all my fault. I—_a knock on the door interrupts Fozzie's musings. He looks toward the door, an apprehensive look on his face_. What if that's Kermit? What if—_another knock is heard. Fozzie gulps_. Come in.

**Rowlf**: Hey Fozzie. How you doing?

**Fozzie** _looking relieved_: Oh, hey Rowlf. I'm alright.

**Rowlf**: What's wrong?

**Fozzie**: Well…Kermit's mad at me and he threatened to fire me.

**Rowlf**: Oh yeah. That. I'm sure he's not mad anymore.

**Fozzie**: But I messed up! I messed up sooo bad! Why me?

**Rowlf** _puts a comforting paw on Fozzie's shoulder_: Hey, everybody makes mistakes; what's important is that you learn from them. I'm sure Kermit will let you keep your job. One mistake isn't worth being fired over.

**Fozzie**: But, what if I am fired?

**Rowlf**: Then, it'll be tough. But, you'll be okay.

**Fozzie**: I will?

_the first notes of the song "You're Going to Be Okay" from Scrubs Musical can be heard_

**Rowlf** _singing_: You're going to be okay; that's what's going to happen. Everything's okay. We're right here beside you, we won't let you slip away; plan for tomorrow, cause we swear to you, you're going to be okay.

**Fozzie** _looks up, smiling slightly_: I'm going to be okay

**Rowlf**: That's what's going to happen

**Fozzie**: Everything's okay

**Rowlf**: Everything's okay. _the dressing room door opens and a medley of Muppets walk in, surrounding Fozzie_

**Muppets**: We will never leave you, right here we will stay; plan for tomorrow, cause we swear to you, you're going to be okay.

**Rowlf** _quietly, to himself_: I hope

_Applause is heard. Fozzie hugs Rowlf_

**Fozzie**: Thanks buddy; I needed that.

**Rowlf**: Hey, anytime.

**Kermit**: _Appearing at the door, cautiously walking_ _in_: Uh, Fozzie? Can I talk to you for a minute?

**Fozzie**: Anything you have to say to me can be said in front of them _points to the other Muppets_

**Kermit**: Uh…okay. Sure. Look Fozzie; I'm sorry I yelled earlier; I was trying to make a good impression with our guests. But, our friendship is more important. So, I'm sorry. Again.

**Fozzie**: Really?

**Kermit**: Really.

**Fozzie** _looks at Kermit for a second_: AAAAAHHHH! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! _runs toward Kermit in excitement, tackling him to the ground_

**Kermit**: Okay! Okay! That's enough! Get off me you darn bear!

**Fozzie** _gets off Kermit, looking nervous_: I'm sorry.

**Kermit** _gets up, brushing himself off_: It's okay Fozzie. I know you didn't mean it. Now come on, we have a show to finish!


	3. Act III

**Act III**

[_Backstage. Kermit is puttering around on his work table, looking for something_]

**Kermit**: Now, where did I put that show schedule? Oh…here it is! [ _Looks at the schedule, shrugs, walks over to the intercom, speaking into it_]. Okay, next on stage for the RENT number.

**Gonzo** [_appearing_ _next to Kermit, seemingly out of nowhere_]: RENT? That's my favorite musical! Can I be in it Kermit? Can I?

**Kermit**: Uh, I don't know Gonzo; it's just going to be a medley of songs

**Gonzo**: Pleeeaassee? I've always dreamed of playing Angel

**Kermit**: Uh, Gonzo? Angel is a cross dresser; he dresses in women's clothes

**Gonzo**: I know! Isn't it great?

**Kermit** [_looking confused_]: Uh. Yeah. Well Gonzo, if you really want to be Angel, you can.

**Gonzo**: Oh thank you Kermit! [_runs off in the direction of Piggy's dressing room, although Kermit doesn't notice this_]

**Kermit** [_looking towards to the camera_]: Gonzo in drag? Yeesh. _[walks out on stage_]. For our next number, the Great Gonzo will perform one his favorite songs from the Broadway smash RENT. I hope you enjoy it [_under his breath_] I hope he can pull it off.

[_The curtain pulls back to reveal a replica of Mark and Roger's apartment. Gonzo walks in through the door, dressed exactly like Angel: black, short cropped wig; Santa Clause style dress, stockings, black boots. The only one in the scene is him; Collins, Roger and Mark are absent_]

**Kermit** [_from backstage_]: Well, he has the look down

**Gonzo** [_walks to the middle of the stage, planting his feet in the beginning stance_]: Today for you, tomorrow for me! [_drums start_]. Today for you, tomorrow for me! [_looks around, then looks back stage_]. [_Whispers in the direction of backstage_] Kermit, cue me!

**Kermit**: Cue you? I don't know the lyrics to RENT! [_Pepe appears next to Kermit, seemingly out of nowhere, as Gonzo had appeared before_]

**Pepe**: Have no fear! I will take care of it, okay?

**Kermit**: Pepe? You know the lyrics to RENT?

**Pepe**: But of course! I am a Casanova; I am versed in the all the romantic musicals and movies okay. They are my life! Do not worry Kermit; I will save the show! [_whispers toward the stage_] And you should hear her beat okay?

**Gonzo**: Louder!

**Pepe** [_speaking at regular volune_]:You earn this on the street okay.

**Gonzo**: Was my lucky day today on Avenue A, when a lady in a limousine drove my way. She said darling, be a dear, haven't slept in a year, I need your help to make my neighbor's yappy dog disappear. This Akita, Evita, just won't shut-up. I believe if you play non-stop that pup will breathe it's very last high strung breath. I'm certain that cur will bark itself to death! Today for you, tomorrow for me, today for you, tomorrow for me! We agreed on a fee, a thousand dollar guarantee, tax free! And a bonus, if I trimmed her tree. Now who could foretell that it would go so well, cause sure as am I here that dog is now in doggie hell. After an hour, Evita, in all her glory, on the window ledge of that twenty-third story, like Thelma and Louise did when they got the blues, swan dove into the courtyard of the Gracie Muse. Today for you, tomorrow for me, today for you, tomorrow for me. Oh! [_precedes to dance around onstage, imitating Angel's moves exactly_] Big finish! Sing it! Today for you, tomorrow for me, today for you, tomorrow for me. I said today for you, tomorrow for me, today for you, tomorrow…for me! [_stands up with hands over head in triumph while the audience gives a standing ovation_]. Thank you! Thank you! [_walks backstage_].

**Kermit**: I gotta hand it to you Gonzo, that was impressive.

**Pepe**: Si. You were light on your feet! Heh heh.

**Gonzo**: Thanks! I—

**Piggy** [_heard off stage_]: Alright! Who stole my Neiman Marcus high heels?

**Gonzo**: Kermit, you never saw me.

**Piggy **_[walking over to where everyone is standing_]: Kermie, have you seen my…[_notices Gonzo_] What happened to you?

**Gonzo**: Oh nothing. I should be go—

**Piggy**: Are you wearing my Neiman Marcus high heels?

**Gonzo**: No. Um…bye! [_attempts to run, but the heels hinder his speed_] How do women run in these things? [_attempts to run toward the backstage exit, but trips and falls flat on his face near the stairs_].

**Piggy**: Give me back my heels! Hi-Ya! [_body slams Gozno while he's on the ground, snatching the heels off his feet. Stands up, brushing her hair back from her face_] Well…toodles! [_runs off_]

**Kermit** [_approaching Gozno, who's laying crumpled up on the floor, appearing to be dented into it_]: Gonzo, are you okay?

**Gonzo**: That was awesome!

**Kermit** [_quizzical look_]: Are you sure you're alright?

**Gonzo**: Oh yeah, I'm fine. I landed on my spleen.

**Kermit**: Uh, well, nice job. I'm going to introduce the next number. [_looks at Gonzo with concern before heading onstage_]

[_Onstage. Kermit walks out, preparing to introduce the next number_]

**Kermit**: It's a known fact that in musicals, as in life, there are humorous moments where we laugh at ourselves. That being said, I now give you "Make 'em Laugh," from the musical "Singin in the Rain." [_walks offstage as the curtain opens, revealing Rowlf sitting at his piano, nothing else is on the stage_]

**Rowlf**: Now the world is so full of a number things, I know we should all be as happy as…But are we? No, definitely no, positively no. Decidedly no. Mm mm. Short people have long faces and long people have short faces. Big people have little humor and little people have no humor at all! And in the words of that immortal buddy, Samuel J. Snodgrass, as he was about to be lead to the guillotine…[_looks over in the direction of backstage_, _noticing Fozzie standing off to the side]_ as he was about to be led to the guillotine [_looks backstage again_]. I said AS HE WAS ABOUT TO BE LED TO THE GUILLOTINE!

**Fozzie** [_standing backstage with Scooter, holding a bag of popcorn_] Wow, great sketch so far, huh Scooter?

**Rowlf** [_his frustration mounting_]: ABOUT TO BE LED TO THE GUILLOTINE!

**Scooter**: Uh, Fozzie? That's your cue.

**Fozzie** [_looks confused_]: My cue? [_Realization suddenly dawns on his face_] Oh! My cue! [_looks around frantically for a place to put his popcorn, then looks at Scooter, passing the bag to him_]. Here. Hold this. [_runs onstage, sidestepping, taking his hat off his head_]. Make 'em laugh, make 'em laugh, don't you know everyone wants to laugh?

**Rowlf**: My dad said be an actor my son

**Fozzie**: But be a comical one!

**Rowlf**: They'll be standing in lines  
**Fozzie**: For those old honky tonk monkeyshines—

**Sal **[_popping up out of nowhere_]: Monkeyshines? Did you say monkeyshines?

**Fozzie** [_stops for a second, looking surprised_]: Uh yeah. Why?

**Sal**: I love monkeyshines! [_looks out toward the audience, putting a hand on one side of his mouth so Fozzie can't see what he's saying_] It's what I'm good at! [_crowd laughs_].

**Fozzie**: Hey! Wait a minute! That's my line!

**Sal**: Not anymore! Hit it Johnny!

**Johnny Fiama** [_attempting to sound like Frank Sinatra_]: Now you could study Shakespeare and be quite elite—

**Fozzie** [_jumps in front of Johnny, afraid his sketch is being overshadowed_]: And you can charm the critics and have nothing to eat  
**Sal** [_finishing a banana and tossing the peel on the stage_]:Just slip on a banana peel

**Fozzie** [_tripping on the banana peel_]: Ah! [_bounces back up immediately_] The world's at your feet

**Johnny, Fozzie, Sal**: Make 'em laugh, make 'em laugh, make 'em laugh!

**Johnny** [_stopping the song_]: Wait wait wait! This is all wrong! Sal, how do you expect me to work under these conditions?

**Sal** [_looking apologetic_]: Uh, sorry Johnny.

**Johnny** [_walking off stage, sounding indignant_]: Frank Sinatra sang this song? Ugh. I can't believe I have to work with these loons.

**Fozzie** [_points to Sal_]: Ahhhh! Now who's the funny one?

**Sal**: Me! Hit it Rowlf!

**Fozzie**: What? Wait! This is my skit!

**Sal**: Not anymore!

**Fozzie** [_jumps in front of Sal, trying to outdo him_]: Make 'em laugh, make 'em laugh, don't you know everyone wants to—

**Sal** [_sprays Fozzie in the face with a seltzer bottle_]: laugh!

**Fozzie**: Hey!

**Rowlf**: My grandpa said go out and tell 'em a joke—

**Sal**: Hey, what do you get when you cross a bear and a bad joke?

**Fozzie** [_playing right into the gag set-up_] What?

**Sal** _[pointing to Fozzie_] You! [_audience laughs_]

**Fozzie**: Now wait a minute—

**Rowlf**: But give it plenty of hoke!

**Fozzie**: [_looks at Rowlf in bewilderment, then turns around to Sal, who continues with the song_]

**Sal**: Make 'em roar, make 'em scream—

**Fozzie** [_jumping into the song again]: _Take a fall_ [trips over a stick that Sal is holding out_] AH!

**Sal**: Butt a wall

**Fozzie** [_popping back up quickly_] Split a seam!

**Rowlf**: You start off by pretending you're a dancer with grace

**Sal** [_pointing to Fozzie_] Grace? Not this bear; he's not even light on his feet! [_audience laughs_]  
**Fozzie**: Ha! That's what you think! [_does a jig as he sings the next line of the song_]. You wiggle 'till they're giggling all over the place  
**Sal** [_walks up to Fozzie mid-jig, hitting him in the face with a pie_]: And then you get a great big custard pie in the face!

**Fozzie** [_determined to finish the song in one piece_], **Sal**: Make 'em laugh, make 'em laugh, make 'em laugh!  
**Fozzie**: Make 'em laugh, make 'em laugh, don't you know everyone wants to laugh-[_Sal hurls a rubber chicken at his face_] Alright, that's it! Come here you darn monkey!

**Sal**: You'll have to catch me first!

[_Sal races around the stage, Fozzie hot on his heels. Everytime Fozzie gets close enough to catch him, Sal hurls one sight gag after another at him, resulting in a full on, vaudeville gag war utilizing rubber chickens, seltzer bottles, banana peels, pies in the face. Pretty soon, they're both standing on either end of the stage, completely oblivious to the audience, throwing rubber chickens back and forth_]

**Rowlf** [_still playing the piano, but realizing no one is singing, decides to end the song_]: Make 'em laugh, make 'em laugh, make 'em—

**Sal and Fozzie** [_running_ _to the middle of the stage, their faces covered with pies, rubber chickens hanging off their shoulders, each jockeying for position in the spotlight_]: MAKE 'EM LAUGH!

[_The audience erupts into thunderous applause as Sal and Fozzie each take a bow, then walk off the stage_]


	4. ACT IV

[_Backstage_]

**Kermit** [_applauding as Sal and Fozzie come walking backstage_]: Great job guys! A little unconventional, but still good!

**Gonzo**: Wow! You guys were great!

**Pepe**: Si. They had a lot of ap_peel_ okay? Heh heh. Get it? Peel? Banana? [_the others look at him in bewilderment_]. It's a joke okay? [_shakes his head in annoyance_] nobody gets my humor okay? [_walks off the stage_]

**Gonzo** [_shrugs_]: I don't get it. [_walks off_]

**Kermit** [_Turns to search for something on his desk_]

**Piggy** [_walking_ _downstairs, walking up behind Kermit_]: Kermie, ohhh Kermie!

**Kermit** [_looking up_]: Oh, uh, hi Piggy.

**Piggy** [_snuggling up next to Kermit_]: And how is my little green hunk doing today?

**Kermit** [_wrinkling face in disgust at the name_]: Oh, uh, yeah. Just fine Piggy.

**Piggy**: And what will I be doing for the closing number?

**Kermit** [_starts to protest, only to stop, realizing it's pointless_]: Uh..well…[_looks around backstage, his eyes landing on a huge Hello Dolly poster that just happens to be hanging on the wall behind him_] How does Hello Dolly sound? Uh…the closing number?

**Piggy** [_grips Kermit in a bone crushing hug_] Oh Hello Dolly! My favorite! That song is mostly definitely worthy of moi's acting talent. [_plants a huge kiss on Kermit's cheek_]. Oh thank you Kermie! [_scurries off to her dressing room_]

**Kermit** [_rubbing the kiss off his cheek_]: Yech. Well…Hello Dolly it is then. [_walks over to intercom_]: Gonzo—

**Gonzo** [_appearing out of nowhere_]: Yeah boss?

**Kermit** [_starts_]: How did—[_looks from Gonzo to the intercom and back again_] nevermind. Listen Gonzo, do you think you could get your hands on some Hello Dolly costumes for the closing number?

**Gonzo**: Sure thing! I'll get right on it!

**Kermit**: That's great Gonzo…[_turns around, noticing Gonzo has disappeared again_] How does he do that? [_shrugs_] Oh well. Guess I had better get working on this Hello Dolly skit.

**Scooter**: Kermit, oh Kermit!

**Kermit** [_turning around_]: Uh yeah Scooter?

**Scooter**: Kermit, my Uncle wants to see you again. He says it's very important.

**Kermit**: Oh. Uh, okay. Where is he?

**Scooter** [_pointing upstairs_]: He's up there.

**Kermit**: Oh, okay. I see him. [_heads upstairs_]

[_Upstairs_]

**Kermit**: Hello J.P. How are you enjoying the show?

**J.P. Gross** [_stroking his mustache thoughtfully_]: I am enjoying the show; there's just one little detail that is troubling me and I hope you don't mind me voicing it.

**Kermit**: Not at all; go ahead.

**J.P. Gross**: Well…I hope you're not planning to do Hello Dolly as a closing number

**Kermit** [_hedging_]: Um…

**J.P. Gross**: It's just so overdone. Every single play I have ever been to, they do Hello Dolly as an encore piece and it's always the same thing. The dancing, the waving, the…_theatricality_ of it all.

**Kermit**: Oh. Well…um…

**J.P. Gross**: You're not going to do _that_, are you Kermit?

**Kermit** [_gulping loudly_]: Uh, no sir. There will be no Hello Dolly as a closing number tonight. We will do something much more modern.

**J.P. Gross**: Glad to hear it! _[pats Kermit roughly on the shoulder before heading back downstairs_]

**Kermit** _[to the audience_]: Yeesh; I'm running out of options.


End file.
